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JOKES...
============================A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared.
The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish.
So...what'll it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries been at war for over 50 years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish." "The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again."
Sent to me by Kathleen Kabbani
Good Definitions...
1.Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other
2.Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test
3.Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master.
4.Divorce : Future tense of marriage College : A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
5.Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6.Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7.Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8.Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
9.Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11.Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13.Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14.Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15.Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17.Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together
18.Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19.Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20.Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22.Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23.Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24.Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25.Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26.Father : A banker provided by nature.
27.Criminal : A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.
28.Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29.Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
30.Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31.S/W Engineer : One who gets paid for reading this.....
Sent to me by Hanady Mirza
Talking to God...A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the
clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God."God," he said, "how long is a million years?"
God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."
The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God answered, "To me, it's a penny."
The man then asked, "God, can I have a penny?"
God answered, "Sure! Just a minute."